The year 2024 is expected to bring a range of notable events, both locally and nationally. The year will likely be marked by various significant occurrences, from political controversies to natural disasters.
In January, the South Florida Fair is set to open in suburban West Palm Beach, featuring a 1990s-era Blockbuster Video store in the Yesteryear Village. However, the month is also expected to bring political disappointment, as Gov. Ron DeSantis finishes fourth in the New Hampshire primary and his wife Casey steps away from the campaign.
GREG LOVETT, GREG LOVETT/THE PALM BEACH POST
February will see the highly anticipated Super Bowl LVIII held in Las Vegas, although Florida State University fans may be angry that their team was left out again. The month will also see Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump file for divorce, citing concerns about his second foreign-born wife, Melania.
March is expected to bring controversy as the medical community blasts Florida Surgeon Gen. Joseph Ladapo for a sham study claiming that COVID vaccines contain traces of deadly fentanyl.
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Meanwhile, the presidential primary election will be held, with Gov. Ron DeSantis finishing 40 points behind Trump and suspending his campaign.
April will bring a bombshell report in the New York Times, revealing that the first draft of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that said Trump can’t be removed from the presidential ballot was written in Russian. The month is also expected to see a Confederate statue win a city commission seat in a North Florida municipal election.
In May, three-way sex enthusiast Bridget Ziegler will announce plans to form another family-values group with her husband as soon as they find “one adventurous hot woman” to join the board. U.S. Sen. Rick Scott will focus his re-election campaign against “Communist Red China restaurants” in Florida, citing their deceptive practices.
June will see the House committee impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden sharpen its focus on the “mysterious” overdue library book payment for his son, Hunter. Meanwhile, a bride at a Mar-a-Lago wedding reception will accidentally stumble upon a binder of national secrets while looking for a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom.
July will bring auditions for the “Golden Gigolo” reality TV show, featuring 20 rootless-but-good looking young men of questionable means vying for the affection of an ancient Palm Beach heiress.
The month will also see the average price index of a three-bedroom, two-bath house in Palm Beach County updated from “Oh my God!” to “You’ve got to be hosting me!”
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August is expected to bring natural disaster, with Hurricane Elsa lashing the Florida Panhandle and destroying the home of U.S. Sen. Tommy Tuberville. Melania Trump’s lawyer will also get a blood sample from her husband as part of their divorce discovery, revealing that its prime contaminant is bacon.
September will see Florida’s Secretary of Education move quickly to suspend a teacher after a parent complained that their child was exposed to a classroom discussion on “transitive verbs.” Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas will agree to speak to the Forum Club of the Palm Beaches if his honorarium includes the deed to a beach house.
October will bring political controversy, with Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump holding a press conference to say he has already won next month’s election in a landslide. Fox News will blast “sore loser” Biden for failing to concede in the upcoming election.
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November will rename the West Palm Beach development formerly known as City Place, which has undergone several name changes and will now be called Coral Sky Place. The month will also see Election Day, with the presidential race too close to call.
Finally, December will see voter fraud prosecutions among the residents of The Villages, spawning a trial strategy dubbed “the senior moment defence.” The year will end with the U.S. Supreme Court still hiding at Justice Thomas’ new beach house as the election results remain disputed.
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