Throuple Seeks Legal Parenthood for Adopted Daughter and Surrogate Son

A throuple, already raising their two children together, seeks legal recognition for all three dads.

Ben Rolam, a director of sales and education, and his longtime partner Mitch, an account development manager, envisioned expanding their relationship to include a third person.

Mitch and Ben (left and right) met Benjamin (middle) on a gay cruise and felt an ‘instant connection’ (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

After 12 years together, they found Benjamin, a 36-year-old entrepreneur, during a gay cruise in 2018.

Residing together in Los Angeles, California, the trio now shares the same last name after a spiritual marriage ceremony.

They are parents to a two-year-old adopted daughter, Tegan, and a six-month-old surrogate son, Bowie.

They adopted Tegan in 2022 (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

While Benjamin and Mitch are currently recognised as legal parents, they are in the process of ensuring Ben’s legal recognition, too.

Their day-to-day life involves sharing baby duties equally and sleeping in the same bed, with a rotation system for caring for Bowie. Despite their unconventional arrangement, they’ve encountered acceptance, even when enrolling Tegan in a traditional Methodist preschool.

The following year they welcomed Bowie to their family using a surrogate agency (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

Ben, Mitch, and Benjamin are planning to establish their own surrogacy and adoption consultancy.

Inspired by the inquiries they’ve received from polyamorous individuals seeking advice, they aim to provide support and guidance to other troubles navigating parenthood.

Reflecting on their journey, Ben emphasizes the importance of creating pathways for others to follow. They aspire to empower individuals interested in alternative family structures and parenthood.

Their relationship dynamic evolved over time, with discussions about adding a third person beginning three years after their initial meeting in 2006.

The trio split parenting duties equally (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

Benjamin’s integration into their relationship was smooth despite initial concerns about coming out to his family.

After unsuccessful attempts with adoption agencies, they embarked on a different approach, attracting prospective birth mothers through online advertising. This led them to Tegan, whom they welcomed into their family in March 2022.

In December 2023, they welcomed their second child, Bowie, through surrogacy in Mexico. The process was cost-effective and received positive support from agencies and surrogates.

They’ve thankfully had no negativity from those around them (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

Their consultancy venture aims to provide personalized support and guidance to individuals and couples navigating surrogacy and adoption. By leveraging their own experiences, they hope to empower others to build families confidently.

As they look ahead, they prioritize legal recognition for all three parents on their children’s birth certificates. This step symbolizes their commitment to providing security and stability for Tegan and Bowie.

Through their Instagram handle @gaythrouple, they share their family journey and offer insights into throuple parenting. Their platform serves as a resource for others seeking advice and support in similar family structures.

Mitch expresses their desire to extend support to others interested in surrogacy and adoption. Their consultancy will provide a pathway for individuals to have positive experiences like theirs, fostering inclusivity and empowerment.